he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
