Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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