I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
