Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
