She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
