sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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