so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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