How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
