Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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