I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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