True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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