think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
