I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
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