so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
