the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
