Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
