you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
