R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
