How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
