My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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