i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
