I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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