I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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