i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
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