Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Drunk is not a location!
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize