you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
