the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
