real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
