guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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