I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
