Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
