Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize