Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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