is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Please, let me fuck your mom
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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