Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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