I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
