I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
