So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Even my vagina gasped.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
