I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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