dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
