I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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