I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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