I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
