life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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