my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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