He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
