Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
