At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize