He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize