I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
