I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
