I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
