i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
