If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
