dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
