Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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