True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I need to calm my uterus...
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
