I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
