she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Randomize
