in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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