NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize