what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
