what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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