dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
