I didn't shave. On purpose
I think my vagina is haunted
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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