spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize