im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
