I wannas sexs uuuuu
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
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