He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
