whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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