He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Randomize
