my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
